Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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