i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
