well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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