I am puke
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
