Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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