she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
