can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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