It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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