Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
