The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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