when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
