Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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