Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
