ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
