This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
