I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
