Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
