If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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