maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
