Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
