ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
