I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
