So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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