so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
