My girlfriend figured out who you are.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
