You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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