i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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