I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
