Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
