i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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