Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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