He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
