I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
