You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
