he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
