goodnight i made you a song goodbye
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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