Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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