you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
