If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
