someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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