somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
