We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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