just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
