I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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