those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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