i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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