He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
