i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
