Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
