i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
