do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
