Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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